Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
i think i scared a bird with my dick
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
