omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
