there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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