grandma shit on top of the toilet
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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