so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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