I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
