he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Naked. naked and bneed help.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
