i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
