Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize