Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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