The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
