If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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