What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
