I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
