Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
You need Xanax blowdarts
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize