This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
