Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Randomize
