Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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