he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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