Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
