4 words: hood of his car
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
