Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
