so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
