It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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