I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
