I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
