I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
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