His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
