I wish I could punch you in the face.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize