You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
