hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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