Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
