I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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