so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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