I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
