youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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