question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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