at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
