is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
