i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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