I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I think my moral compass just broke
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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