last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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