Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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