I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
