weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
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