i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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