You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
