As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
