I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
