Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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