he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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