Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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