I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
