Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Randomize