just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
