Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
