he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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