I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
