Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
