dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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