During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
