the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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