im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
