I am spending my child support on dildos
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize