that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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