He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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