We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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