dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
