I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
being pregnant is like rehab
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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