i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I just blew my weed a kiss
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
