Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
